Fear of Visibility

It was been a while since I have sent a newsletter. A lot has been happening in my business and life. I have missed writing and missed connecting with you as writing a newsletter has been one of my favourite ways to connect with you, and I have done it consistently since 2007. I have loved writing so much that I won email excellence award in 2009, so what stopped me from not writing consistently since the beginning of this year.

Fear of Visibility……

hidingFear Of Visibility

One would think with 30+ on and off line media interviews, I would have no fear of visibility, but it is interesting the defenses ego builds around itself to keep itself safe from shining. After a successful telesummit in September, instead of feeling excited about launching new programs and adding new platinum clients to my business, I felt as if I needed to create space to listen to something inside of myself.

And I know what that means for me is that I need to let the heart speak. After celebrating the success of my telesummit, as much as I wanted to jump ahead and launch things, my body and my soul knew that I needed to listen to the still-ness so that the new could emerge. I knew I needed to create the space to welcome this new phase in my life.

I have learnt from the previous experiences in my business that just before the growth in my business, whether it was during the time my message was evolving/changing in a big way, or whether it was when I needed to upgrade my clients from hourly to platinum style, the feeling of something changing was there. An inner knowing that there is more….but not knowing what.

I also know when I don’t pay attention to that feeling and act quickly without getting clear on the right next step, I am heading for a burnt out or making a hasty decision to soon, experiencing an unsuccessful launch or not a soul satisfying one. (This is not during times when someone is holding themselves back to take action due to the fear, the two feelings are different) This feeling is usually before or after the major growth and during the times when a major decision needs to be made internally or externally. I know this feeling too well having gone through many breakdowns before a breakthrough in my life and business.

I did what I would ask my clients to do during these times. Slow down….Yes, it isn’t always easy, but knowing when to slow down and when to move forward is a dance everyone needs to learn in their life and business.

As I slowed down, I realized and listened. I realized I was really afraid of being visible in this new way that was emerging. Despite of the huge on-line success, I HAVE BEEN HIDING. My inner dark side was keeping me safe doing the on-line stuff whereas my soul was yearning the feeling of community. Meeting people in-person, networking, speaking to grow my business were some of the things I was longing to do. The comfort and confident of on-line presence was turning into boredom (and it wasn’t about managing my energy, I frequently took mini retreats at cafe’s during my working days instead of working in my office)

What it was that I needed to grow and face my next level of visibility, and for me it was in-person contact with other women. And yes, I have a great social circle, but this time it was about sharing my message in-person, getting visible and vulnerable selling from the stage(asking for the money), claiming my value speaking in-person. Really really exposing myself and risking feeling rejected. It scared me.

With the new awareness also comes responsibility to follow through and comes along the fear. A new kind of fear. ‘What if I went out to speak and people didn’t like me as much as they like me on-line.’ ‘What if I went networking and people thought, ‘oh, she isn’t’ what I thought?’ Yes, I had those voices and that had stopped me from speaking and meeting people in-person and creating the community that I had been craving to create. Yes, I had taught workshops before, but it was different this time, after taking a break from speaking in-person to raise my son and building a big on-line presence, I had changed, so had my business and my media presence and my message. And now I was being asked to share this new self. The desire to hug people in-person, shifting their and my energy through making the energetic physical contact felt exhilarating as well as scary to me.

As I became aware what was holding me back and what was making me restless, I knew I could no longer do that. No matter how hard it was to put the on-line stuff on hold, I knew that I needed to do that to face my fear of visibility. Yes, it was no longer okay for me to feel safe.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” Anaïs Nin

So I decided to blossom. As most things happen after a breakdown of something old, when we welcome the soul whispering and let the old die, we welcome the new. But it starts with first making a decision.

Right after the awareness and me making a decision to speak, I was asked to speak at Vancouver Top Entrepreneurs, event. The audiences didn’t think I or my ideas were weird (as I thought they might think I was received well and sold a lot from the stage and since then I haven’t looked back.

For some of us, the awareness comes suddenly, and for others it is the slow dying of the old and re-birth of the new that brings us to our next path. With me, the restlessness was building gradually, until I became aware of what was missing.

I made a decision to slow down so that I could fasten up. While slowing down, I realized I had become comfortable with my on-line presence and I needed to step out of my comfort zone by speaking in-person to larger audiences.

Since then I am continuing to put myself in situations that I was afraid of before and surprisingly, I am really enjoying being out there, networking, speaking, etc. Infect, the way I see networking now has totally changed than the way I saw it before. It has a more spiritual and fun element to it.